Scockcroft's Journals

God's got a new hamster ...

My 8 year old daughter, Megan, seems to be pondering life's toughest questions lately. She has asked me several times why God allows bad things to happen. This is a difficult question to answer at the best of times.

But she is smart, and I think she's worked it out. Today she gave me her thoughts on this subject.

"Mommy. I think we are sort of like God's pet sea monkeys." she said. "Only now, He has a new hamster. That's why our tank is dirty and there isn't enough food to go around."

Heavens. I hope that she is wrong ....

I'm Back

Hi everyone

I am finally back online! Phew.

Kids are sent to embarrass us?

My 8 year old daughter went to a sleep-over at a friendâ�™s house.

The host family was sitting together watching a movie, but my daughter

was bored with the movie, so she buried her nose in a book of world records.

Apparently, she only took her nose out of the book three times.

Once to ask â�œWhatâ�™s a male stripper?â� :-o

The second time to ask â�œWhatâ�™s a prostitute?â� :-0

And the third time to ask â�œWhatâ�™s a transvestite?â� :-O

Clearly her education to date has been sadly lacking.

Trolley Humour - A True Story

I was busy doing the shopping when wild-eyed man came scurrying down the isle.

"May I help you, Sir" asked an eager shop assistant.

"I've lost my wife." said the man.

"No problem, sir. I'll find you another." said the wise-cracking shop assistant.

I burst out laughing.

The man turned and looked expectantly at me.

"That sounds like a very good idea." he said.

Then his gaze slid down to my heaving trolley.

"On second thoughts." he said "Maybe I'll just find the old one. It will probably be cheaper."

Cheeky bugger!

Places I have scuba dived

South Africa: Sodwana Bay and Bass Lake (Otherwise known as "Oh F#@* Lake". When you come over the rise and see it, you will understand why!)

Australia: Gold Coast

Commores Island:

Mocambique:

Kuwait:

Egypt: Red Sea, Sharm El Sheikh and Dahab

Mauritius: Grand Baai

Places I've been

I decided to post a list of all the places Iâ�™ve been. Before I get too old, and canâ�™t remember. You know how it goes. Been there. Done that. Canâ�™t remember a damn thing.

In fact, I am already suffering from a bit of that. Last time I counted, I had been to 40 places. I'm missing a few ... I'll have to update them later.

Hong Kong (before it became part of China)

Argentina

New Zealand

Bolivia

France

Peru

Germany

Australia

Canada

Brazil

China

Taiwan

Zimbabwe

Mauritius

Kuwait

Egypt

Mocambique

Botswana

Comores Islands

Lesotho

United Arab Emirates

Holland

Switzerland

Italy

Swaziland

Kenya

Ile de Sol

Thailand

Malawi

Hawaii

Namibia

Ireland

Turkey

Greece

USA

South Africa

"Sacred Geometry" (Yes, I'm going on about fractal art and geometry again ...)

The Core, a resource centre situated at Project Eden in the UK has an

architectural design inspired by the plant "architecture" of sunflower heads,

and follows the famous mathematical sequence, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34 â�¦,

discovered by Leonardo da Pisa, in the 13th century, and called the Fibonacci sequence.

This sequence is better known today as a plotting device in Dan Brown's bestseller

The Da Vinci Code.

Patterns based on this sequence have been noted to frequently appear in biological

and cosmic settings, like the spiral arrangement of the florets, seeds, sepals and scales

on such plants as pinecones, pineapples and sunflowers, and the human face,

body and DNA.

"Nature has a fundamental blueprint which goes beyond DNA. We have translated

that blueprint into the structure of this amazing building. We were delighted to discover

that this produced an efficient and elegant network of timber beams for the roof,"

says architect in charge, Jolyon Brewis.

There has been a reawakening of interest in recent years in an architecture rooted in the

laws and forms of nature and blossoming from a new-found excitement in those

of mathematics, and especially the Fibonacci sequence, the Golden Rectangle

and the spiral form that winds through and connects the two.

The Fibonacci Sequence is closely linked to the Golden Section Ratio or â�œphiâ�:

1.61803399 (rounded off at eight digits).

This ratio and the Fibonacci sequence can be found everywhere in nature and the cosmos,

and is often referred to as â�œSacred Geometryâ�. From crop-circles to the pyramids, from

pineapples to pine cones. From DNA to the sunâ�™s cycle. Itâ�™s everywhere.

The earliest known proprietors of sacred geometry were the Egyptians who embedded its

secrets in the ground plans of their temples, their frescoes and, most blatantly, in the Gizeh

pyramid which single-handedly contains most of the fundamental universal laws that many a

tortured schoolchild now attributes to Pythagoras.

Islam has served as the curator of sacred geometry rather than its originator. Islamic mosques

and art forms, as well as its latter-day architecture still incorporate many of the keys to the

structure of the cosmos.

It's not certain where the terrestrial origins of this knowledge stems from but its forms are

evident throughout the yantras and mandalas of Hindu, Tibetan and Buddhist art, Celtic

carvings and book adornment, even in native North American sand paintings.

That this knowledge made its way as far north as the British Isles can be clearly seen in the

ground plans and blueprints of megalithic monuments, mediaeval cathedrals, and the plethora

of stone circles. It is clear, therefore, that whatever lies behind sacred geometry was

important enough for scholars to go to enormous lengths to preserve it for future generations.

With the advent of X-ray photography science has discovered that the physical structure of

elements are governed by a patterned array of intervals surrounding a central node.

But just as with sacred geometry and other esoteric principles, crop circles have been

marginalized by practically the entire scientific community since they challenge the current

worldview simply because science is at odds to explain them.

With close scrutiny even the small 'grapeshot' circles that flank certain crop-circle formations

lie at their given remote locations not by fluke, but by engineered and premeditated design,

markers and clues for the observer to follow and uncover.

Not surprising, then, to find sacred geometry lying at the heart of the fundamental blueprints

of many formations, sometimes blatantly, sometimes veiled like a secret waiting to be

uncovered only by the most persistent of minds.

http://www.textism.com/bucket/fib.html
http://www.klatu.com/lix/

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.santarosa.edu/~jwatrous/art18.2/alban/mandelbrotweb.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.santarosa.edu/~jwatrous/art18.2/alban/&h=215&w=175&sz=20&tbnid=WX96Byar8Zz3TM:&tbnh=101&tbnw=82&hl=en&start=219&prev=/images%3Fq%3DC

http://www.lovely.clara.net/crop_circles_sacredgeo.html

http://www.lovely.clara.net/crop_circles_sacredgeo2.html

http://www.intent.com/sg/

Driving in Kuwait

Rules of the road

1. Right of way

Right of way belongs to the vehicle which has itâ�™s bumper 5cm ahead of another, irrespective of whether approaching from the left or right. Cars with tinted windows have preferance.

2. The Kuwait scissors

When in 3 lanes of traffic, all traffic wishing to turn right should occupy the left hand lane and vice versa. One must then wait until the last possible moment before crossing the other two lanes at right angles to the traffic flow, to do so too early is to lose face.

3. Overtaking

There are four ways to get past the car in front; to the left, to the right, over the top and underneath, also known as undertaking.

4. The weave

Never hold a steady speed in one lane. You can gain as much as 20 meters over a distance of 10 kilometers by continuously swerving from one lane to another whilst invoking rules 1 and 10. The minimum speed for this maneuver is 150kph.

5. Right of way (buses)

Buses do not have right of way; they just take it. Bus horns are frighteningly louder than any others. There are some official boarding and alighting points but the buses will drop off and/or pick up passengers at any place, any time, in traffic, provided that the passenger is sufficiently fleet of foot and oblivious to the threat of traffic flowing around him.

6. Pedestrians

These may cross the road when, where, and however they wish. Be they old, young, agile or decrepit, they have the right to step into the traffic and dodge, dance or merely stolidly move across. However, motorists are encouraged to do their best to hit them, preferably at speed. (Even on the pavement) Motorist should note that most motorway bridges are 1000m apart and that pedestrians will cross at 500m intervals.

7. Traffic lights

There are nine possible combinations of traffic lights in use in Kuwait, they being; red, amber, green, red plus amber, red plus green, green plus amber, red plus green plus amber, flashing amber, and all off. Any selection of these can be found on any one set of traffic lights. The meanings of the various arrangements are not known, but if crossing when the lights are red (or any other combination) and you see a car crossing in front of you, make sure you hit it squarely in the side, if possible, at speed.

8. U-turns

These are used for changing direction and carriageway. If possible try not to pull out if a car is going past in the outside lane of the carriageway you want to pull into. If you are in a hurry, the somersault and roll method is a quicker way of achieving the same result, but avoid the lamp posts in the central reservation.

9. Parking

a) Short term: If you need to, just double or treble park, after all the traffic CAN get around you.

b) Long term: Park alongside a yellow and black curb. If you are lucky the police will fit the car with an anti-theft device or tow it to a secure car park. There is however a standard charge for these services.

c) Parallel Parking: This practice has yet to reach the Middle East where they prefer to "park by ear".

d) The last person into the parking lot gets to park across the entrance. Bad luck for you if you need to leave.

10. Mirrors

These are not, contrary to popular belief, for looking for vehicles behind you, but are for grooming, shaving, adjusting gutrahâ�™s & seeing where parsley is stuck to your teeth.

11. Indicators

The use of indicator's is not widely understood in Kuwait. If you indicate that you are turning left, and slow down to make the turn, this will be a signal to the car behind you to overtake you at great speed on the left hand side.

12. Lights

Lights are optional extra's. It is considered unmanly to use your headlights after dusk, rather just use your parking lights, then no-one will see you coming.

You Have Been Living In The Gulf Too Long When ...

You know the subtle difference between â�œWallah!â�, â�œOooohlah!â� and â�œOeff!â�.

You're not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat.

You think the uncut version of "Little House on the Prairie" is provocative, and that all women who donâ�™t cover their arms are sluts.

You serve coffee in a thimble, and serve tea in a glass.

You know everyone's first name is Mohammed, and not Al.

You need a sweater when it's 28 degrees Celsius.

You expect everyone to own a mobile phone.

Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the housemaid.

You believe that speed limits are only advisory.

You expect all police to drive BMWs or Merc's.

You know whether you are within missile range of Iraq.

You believe that the definition of a nanosecond is the time interval between the time the light turns green

and the time that the Egyptian guy behind you begins to blow his horn.

You can't buy anything without asking for a discount.

You have more carpets than floor space.

When you understand that the rude hand sign you see all the time doesnâ�™t mean â�œsit-on-it-and-swivelâ�, it means â�œhave patienceâ�.

You look in your rear view mirror before you dare stop at a red traffic light.

You expect all stores to stay open â�˜til midnight.

You understand that 'wadi bashing' isn't a criminal act.

You make left turns from the far right lane.

You expect gold for every birthday.

You send friends a map instead of your address.

You understand why huge 4x4s must slow down to a snail's pace whilst crossing a speed bump yet hurtle through a wadi at 100kph.

You think that â�˜howareyouâ�™ is one word.

You think it perfectly normal to have a men only picnic in the middle of a roundabout at 11pm.

You ask your children â�œWhere are you paining, Habibi?â�, when they are ill.

You know exactly how much alcohol allowance you have left for the month.

You have a moon phase predictor on your computer.

You never say Saturday instead of Thursday or Sunday instead of Friday.

You accept that there is no point in asking why you are not allowed to do something.

You swap home brewing tips over dinner.

When you expect queues to be 1 person deep and 40 people wide.

When you realize that the black and white stripes in the road are not zebra crossings, just bait to get tourists into the firing line.

You know when to say â�œMashallahâ�, â�œInshallahâ� and â�œHumdulullahâ�.

When seeing guys holding hands, it no longer disgusts you.

When you see men kissing in the toilet you don't think it is strange

When you carry 12 passport size photos around with you, just in case.

When you can tell the time by listening to the local mosque.

When you think itâ�™s a good night if there are fewer than 10 men for every woman in a bar.

When phrases like 'potato peeler', 'dish washer', and 'fly swatter' are no longer household items but are

actually Pakistani job titles.

When you say "Insha'allah" when you actually mean "No bloody way!"

When Habibi isn't just the ex-president of Indonesia.

When you overtake a police car at 130KM/HR.

When a problem with your car AC or hooter is more serious to you than a problem with the brakes.

When you can smoke a shisha in public without expecting to be arrested.

When you think 5 KD is expensive for the latest PlayStation game.

You think Pepsi, Patrick, Pizza and Villa all begin with a â�˜Bâ�™.

You think only men should hold hands in public, not men and women.

You think all shopping malls are called souqs

You expect to go to jail when a local national hits the back of your car at a stop sign.

When you are addicted to eating birdseed, and you stop your car to buy little paper bags of birdseed from the guy sitting in the middle of the roundabout on a camping chair at midnight.

When you call a loaf of bread â�œtoastâ�.

When you realize that you have forgotten how to parallel park.

When you donâ�™t hesitate to go offroad, even in a built up area.

When you abandon your old car a block from your house when you buy a new one.

When you place your sofa set on the sidewalk when your new one arrives.

You leave your mobile phone in the car, and it melts all over the plastic factory coverings on the seats of your 1997 Jeep.

When the success of an international business trip is measured in litres and rashers, instead of Dollars and Euros.

You apply your eye make-up with a palette knife.

When you refuse to get into the pool if the water temperature drops below 36 degrees Celcius.

You keep your shutters drawn all day, and stay up all night.

You understand that "no problem" is translated as "essential you follow up".

You think that a picnic means pulling over on the side of the road with your TV and live goat.

You think that camping means pulling over on the side of the road with your TV, live goat, satellite dish and quad bike.

You think black is appropriate daytime wear for all women, and that men should go to work in dresses and lacy hats.

You wear a jacket inside, and take if off when you go outside.
You can judge a perfect "10" by the ankles.
You turn up the air conditioning to write Christmas Cards.
You know which end of a Shwarma to unwrap first.
You think that the further you inch into the middle of the crossroad's the faster the light will turn green
You carry an umbrella and it isn't raining.

You can receive every television station worldwide, except the local station.
You get used to using the coldwater tap to get hot water during summer.

You think tissue boxes belong on the dinner table, and on every other flat surface in the house.
You expect the confirmation of your airline reservation to be "Inshallah".

You no longer buy toilet paper, you use the hose instead.

You donâ�™t bother with grocery shopping and cooking, you just phone a different food delivery service every night.

You buy dishwashing liquid called â�œBarfâ�.

You believe that all vowels are interchangeable.

When you let your teenage son learn how to drive on his PlayStation.

When you know that midnight is peak hour for traffic.

When you drive up and down the same street all weekend, just for fun.

When you prefer to swim in jeans and a long sleeved shirt.

When it rains, you stay home from work.

You quite like having plastic plants decorating your home.

You think that all palm trees should have fairy lights on their trunks.

You canâ�™t go a day without Starbucks.

The first question you ask a new contact is â�œHow long have you been here?â�

You leave 87 pairs of shoes in neat rows outside your front door.

When you can judge a mans piety by the hemline of his dress.

When you get used to losing all of your friends every two years.

When you feel that stalking women is a very good way to meet them.

When you have a large sticker with your email address on the back of your monster truck.

When your other car is also a Porshe.

When you think that Hummers are good family cars.

When you donâ�™t own any DVDâ�™s that donâ�™t have Chinese subtitles.

When you have already bought the DVD and watched it three months prior to international release date.

When you know that â�œKuwaiti Airbagâ� means an infant in the front seat on his mothers lap and that

older kids on the lap are know as â�œcrunchy airbagsâ�.

You buy one flower at a time, because they are so expensive.

You choose your airline based on the speed and scope of their bar service.

You park by ear.

You think that 2am is a perfectly reasonable bedtime for a toddler.

Your children understand that â�œLa! La! La! La!â� is not the lyrics from a pop song.

Your home has twice as many bathrooms as bedrooms.

You have one kitchen on every floor of your villa, and one outside, just in case.

You know that the finger sign doesnâ�™t mean â�œyours-is-this-smallâ�, it means â�œjust a moment, please.â�

You get muddled up and try to read English words from right to left.

You believe that quad bikes are meant to be driven on the two rear wheels only.

Your kids ask you â�œMommy, whatâ�™s a cloud?â�

You think that red wine matures at 21 days.

You keep a Hijab and Abaya in your closet just in case you donâ�™t feel like getting dressed and doing your hair before the school run.

When you hit a roundabout you look right, not left.

When people turn up at work before 11am you are just grateful they came to work.

People with blacked out windows have priority on the road no matter what the circumstances.

You never get into a lift with a woman.

Women are supposed to find you attractive because you can follow them 2 inches behind their bumper at 160kms an hour.

The first question you ask when someone dies is â�œHow many days leave do we get ?â�

Emiratisation means you increase the number of people on your payroll but the expats still do all the work.

You order your vegetables according to their nationalities and interrogate the greengrocer about the origins of all his fresh produce.

You understand that if you indicate left and slow down, this is a signal to the guy behind you to overtake on the left at great speed.

You canâ�™t stop adding to this list â�¦

Camping in Kuwait

A couple of families decided to go camping in the desert in Kuwait, up near the Iraqi border at a place called Mutla Ridge. The weather was fine, but just when we were all tucked into bed at around midnight, all hell broke loose. We found ourselves in the middle of a sandstorm with a smattering of rain. Our tents were all but blown down, and the sand was everywhere. Eventually we abandoned camp, packed everything up in the howling gale, and headed for home in the early hours of morning. I'm still trying to get the sand out of my ears! Not one of our more successful desert expeditions.